Fast forward a couple years

I kind of forgot about this blog when our lives were turned the best kind of upside down! About a month after my last post, January 23, 2013 to be exact... we had literally just gotten home from a vacation and were settling in for the night. It was about 10:30. Izak was all tucked in bed and we were just sitting down to watch Parenthood when I got a call from one of my best friends asking if we were interested in a 15 mo old little girl. Of course we were! But at this point, we'd experienced enough disappointment to know better than to get our hopes totally up so we told my friend to share our blog with the birth mother considering placing her daughter and to give us a call if she wanted to know more about us. 

For some reason, I couldn't sleep a wink that night. As much as I tried to tell myself to relax, I think deep down I knew big changes were coming. We got up the next day and shortly after Brant took off to work, I got the call. Abigail's birth mom was so easy to talk to. We talked for an hour and I could tell her heart was breaking when she told me the situation she was in and that she had lovingly decided that her daughter deserved a better life than she could give her. I won't go into specific details to spare privacy for our birth mother, but she wanted to meet us for lunch that day and by dinner time we had little Abby in our home. 

I will never forget the moment we met Abigail, her huge blue eyes staring into mine as if she recognized me somehow. Her fry sauce covered mouth and gigantic smile that melted every ounce of my heart as she toddled toward over to say hello. Her tiny little grasp around my finger and quick affection made my heart do a flip and I found myself saying a silent prayer that I might have a part of this sweet little life. 

Fast forward a couple years and we are still in awe of the opportunity we have to be parents to this little miracle. Our hearts are so full of love and gratitude for the family we have become and all that we've learned along the way. I can't imagine life without Abby. She brings so much light and joy to our world it's hard to even remember a time when she wasn't a part of us. We are trying to soak up each moment and not take anything for granted as we stop and smell the roses.

As we seek out another miracle, we hope and pray that the Lord will guide us in this journey once again. 

Today I am feeling very humble and grateful for the family that God has given me. For my parents who spent so much time teaching me and loving me and giving me opportunities to grown and learn. I am grateful for my husband and his never failing sense of humor that keeps me laughing when I need it most and for my sweet little Izak who makes me feel like the luckiest mom in the world. I'm thankful for those dimples that melt my heart and his sweet, thoughtful little self.
I know that there is another child meant to be part of our family and while I long to find him/her, today I am just enjoying the here and now and all that I have to be thankful for.

So here we are... wishing, and hoping, and waiting, and praying for our next little angel to come. It's been six years since our little Izak was born. I can still remember his amazingly tiny, perfect little fingers and toes. I remember holding his tiny body in my arms and how content we were to just stare at each other. Before him, I had no idea I could love someone this much. I had no idea how this little person would change my life.

I always knew I wanted children... oodles of them in fact. But until I became a mother, I had no idea how truly amazing life could be. Don't get me wrong, it's not all bliss and butterflies, we have temper tantrums and melt downs just like everyone else, but it's those moments when the world gets quiet and I can see in his eyes a new understanding, or new curiosity and I am reminded just how fragile and precious life is and how lucky I am to be his mother.

After years of failed fertility treatments our Doctors reached the conclusion that our chance of conceiving more children biologically are slim to none. While it's been hard to swallow the notion that I may never bear a child again, I feel so incredibly blessed to have Izak that asking for more seems borderline ungrateful when some families have no children at all. Yet here we are, prayer after prayer, day after day, asking God for the rest of our family to join us. We just know in our hearts that our family is not complete. 

Today we are looking for another miracle.

I have no doubt that God has a plan for us and that somewhere, somehow, there is a child that's meant to be part of our family and a beautiful birth mother meant to be part of our lives through adoption.

We are not a perfect parents, that I know. But I promise you that we will love, cherish, nurture and defend our children to no end.